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October 2009

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Decisions, Decisions.

So, I have come to the conclusion that... I can't get enough of this ridiculous song. But I cannot help it. It is obscenely catchy. *rolls eyes* Besides, one girl was kind enough to create amv of Weiss Kreuz to go with it... double the wunderbar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqcgk8N3h-c


I've been mulling some things over these past few weeks. I don't know, exactly, when it happened, but I realized one day that I am feeling nearly 100% better physically. It feels so good to be healthy again. I no longer live my life around food, I no longer do the binge/starve cycle, I don't compulsively exercise--I do it for the right reasons, and it's just been so liberating. Granted, I have days where all I see is the Michelin tire man looking back at me from the mirror, but it doesn't trouble me the way it might have a couple of months ago. I just shrug it off, know that image is merely in my head, and go about my business... which often includes a peanut butter sandwich.

I was able to quit my job today, and I find myself missing the good parts of it, for example, some of my coworkers and the residents themselves. I do start my new job tomorrow, and everyone seems very nice thus far--but most importantly, calm. Hallelujah. I'm enough of a spaz without being surrounded by them.

I've also decided to go through my RN, then work on med school. At this point, it is too much of a time and financial commitment that I can't make. I can get through an RN program in 3-4 years, then make enough to finance medical school and have enough experience to bypass much of my residency should I decide to go be Dr. Black. We shall see! Either way, should this universal healthcare bill be passed, it will be less likely that I'll get to work for a private practice like I want to, but hopefully the bill won't present a state of permanence and I'll get to do what I bloody well want to eventually. I think the areas that appeal to me most are reconstructive surgery, communicable diseases and obstetrics/gynecology or pediatrics.

I am this close to smacking my mother in the face. She is renewing her vows on Saturday, and has rapidly turned into Bridezilla. I want to jump off of the roof of my house and land on a spiky fence a la Virgin Suicides sometimes. She, for one, wants me to play violin, and I haven't picked up that $*&%ing instrument in close to ten years. I can't even read sheet music anymore. I miss it, yes, but that does not mean that I can play anymore--is it like riding bike? Well, sure, but the sheet music doesn't come back that quickly when one wasn't all that brilliant at reading it in the first place. *rolls eyes* So, she is skulking around the house like some slimy monster, muttering under her breath that her kids aren't doing anything. I don't know what else she wants me to do, other than scrub down the basement (I have done this at this point), play the violin (of which I am utterly and sadly incapable), and put up with her bullsh$t (which I do, with a big, scary smile on my face.) The stress is such that I have sprouted nasty frustration bumps (aka pimples) that are just disgusting. It is just... I don't know, I can see where my sister gets her insufferable personality from when my mom goes into this mode. Unfortunately, I think genetics are against us on both ends a lot of the time. I can't believe I'm not more effed up than I already am.

I am sorely missing rugby and have decided to play again. If I choose to fulfill my goal of a spring marathon, this sport could contribute to my training. The only problem is how the heck do I practice until September...? I know no rugby players around here, nor is there anyone I can really practice with. :(

Zoey is in need of a wakeup call at this point... so, Kait out. So long, folks!





Comments

You sound so good! I'm glad things are looking up for you! I think you'd be a good nurse/doctor. You're very meticulous in your work, so I know you'd be awesome at it. I just worry for people in the medical field if universal health care passes. It's not all sunshine and roses that people think it is. We'll see, though.
Perhaps you'd be able to play for your mother had she given you sufficient time to re-learn reading music/violin (if you did something once, it almost always comes back easily if you give yourself enough time)?
I'm so glad you're doing better, and I hope you like your new job. What kind of job is it?
Heyla! Thanks for the comment, my dear. :) The good news about whether the bill gets passed or not is that, should it indeed go through, it probably won't last for overly long, and an RN program takes about four years, at which point, hopefully things will be in the process of changing for the better.
My mum's second wedding went well even though I didn't play violin, and I felt all the better for it. I was already feeling self-conscious, the last thing I needed was all eyes on me! She and Ron are gone until Thursday night, and I have one thing to say... HALLELUJAH!
I am indeed hanging in there much better. :) Hooray! I am working as a home health aide for a hospital that was named one of the top 100 places to work in 2007, so this is good news. They have already taken good care of me thus far--hopefully it will continue in this path. I am excited about my new job. :)
Hope you're well dear... *hughug!*