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October 2009

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List of Things.

a. Everyone is going to concerts, parties, movies, overseas, across the country, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, I sit at home and if I'm lucky, go to the mall or the park. Jealous much? You bet your bullocks to a barndance I am--and I readily admit it! I have one thing to say... at least I got to see Harry Potter on Thursday night.

b. Mom and Ron have spirited Zoey away to the Cox Arboretum, something I planned on doing and now will not get to. They feel they are doing me a favor by giving me some quiet time and a break, but that was the highlight of my day. I can't imagine Zoey will want to go to the same place twice, and I can't go to the mall for the fifth time this week just for the sake of getting out of the house (I reeeeeeeaaaaaaally wish there was something else to do around here. Tal probably thinks I'm stalking him.) If I take her to Borders, I risk spending money, and she gets very bored when I stand and futz with the books. If I take her to the arcade, that's a thirty-minute drive, a five-dollar expenditure, and a waste of gas. So it looks like I'm stuck at home on this lovely day. For another thing, I hate being away from her. Even when I'm not actively involved in her play time, I just like having her in the room with me.

c. I start my in-home health assignment this Tuesday, and I'm nervous and leery of it. I hate the idea of going to some stranger's house, having to travel to some place the location of which I have NO FREAKING CLUE and therefore will have to spend most of the morning searching out the elusive patient's house, and meeting some new person under such awkward circumstances. I am scared to death. Why can't I just get some stupid mundane desk job that is the same thing every day sans unnecessary and exorbitant amounts of stress? Oh, wait, the economy's in the toilet, excuse me, I forgot... good luck oh ye of the BFA.

d. I'm tired all the time. It annoys me to the nth. I can't figure out why, either. But it just seems I battle fatigue every day and can't break through it. Screw that noise... I LOATHE the tiredness!

e. I am in a rut. I love a bold look, see. But I'm somehow trapped in this desire to adhere to natural looks, and I can't seem to don that style that I admire and adore. Any time I try, anyway, I just feel weird, like I'm in a skin that doesn't fit right. It doesn't help that I don't have the money for frivolous purchases higher than $3 and, of course, I am trying to garner a professional job--meaning that guess what? This look I have always loved won't be tolerated.

f. Guess what's for dinner tonight? PORK! *&@#&^!! *string of expletives* If I NEVER see another pork product for as long as I LIVE, I will die a VERY happy girl. I am SICK to DEATH of the pig. Smelling that FUCKING (pardon my language) pork roast cooking literally is making me feel NAUSEATED. Mom needs to get more creative and mix things up a bit, rather than constantly cook FUCKING PORK! (Forgive the explicit linguistics.) It is exactly the same way potatoes in high school used to make my stomach turn over. We'd eat the stupid tubers every other night, sometimes four nights in a row! Both sides of my family eat the same things over and over and over again. I hate to say this, but I really hate American fodder. I mean, what is it, really? Meat, starch, vegetable, none of which prepared in any special way. Or gummy, nastastic casserole things smelling of wet dog, old tennis shoe and bleu cheese in an effort to utilize leftovers. I would love to know why people can't donate their leftovers to homeless shelters. That honestly is what I think I would do with my leftover food, given my druthers.  

g. I want some ice cream.

I always want some ice cream.

Plus, I would actually, now that I've thought on it, like to go visit my mall friend, because he provides a nice breakup in the routine and something to get all giggly and stupid about. But like I said, I've wandered the mall too many times over the past week and would really like to do something different. I guess I'll take Zo to the playground at North Park and maybe I'll stop at Dorothy Lane for some sushi on the way home. I can't afford it, but I am the point where I would truly rather spend money than eat pork again. 

h. I do NOT want to call my father. I do NOT want to acknowledge my stepmother. My brother, however, has threatened not to talk to me anymore if I do not. I don't want to lose my brother on top of everything else, but at the same time, I just don't want to open the can of worms that is that parental unit.

Frankly, my life has actually been easier without them. I am not hellbent on impressing anyone anymore. That's ONE nice liberation.

I sound like a spoiled brat. I can tell I'm in a right state today because I really don't care how spoiled, complaintive, or emo I sound.

i. I canNOT stand being alone. I imagine I am becoming a nuisance to my parents and my friends. I find it funny that a few months ago, I would have been happy to live alone. Let's examine why, shall we? I had a stress-free job, I was playing rugby, and I had lots of human contact outside of the house. Taking that job with IMS was the biggest mistake I've made all year. *rolls eyes*

I can't wait for rugby to start up again. I miss it DESPERATELY. I also can't wait for Paul to visit.

I'm done. Focker out.


My lord, you and I are in the same boat. It's a little eerie. I understand why you moved, but it makes me a little sad that you did, because if you were still living close by, we could hang out and be bored together. Hopefully not bored, because we can both be decidedly witty when we want to be, but you know what I mean. Kinda wish I'd made time to visit you more when you were still around (damn it all, life! Why must you interfere?!).
Call me sometime. I would love to hear from you. 402-312-1718, or I can call you if you want. I'm computerless (except at work), which makes it even worse for boredom's sake.
Love you. *hugs*
I disagree that we are in the same boat.